An Unexpected Journey
by Sister Amy Cavender, CSC
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"The Road goes
ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with weary feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say."
~Frodo Baggins in J.R.R. Tolkiens
The Fellowship of the Ring |
The Roads beginning
 In
my own life, the Road has taken two unexpected turns. The first led me
into the Catholic Church, and the second, into Holy Cross. I was raised as
an Evangelical Protestant, with no formal denominational affiliation,
though my parents were raised in the Reformed Church. I had contact with a
number of different churches because we moved frequently during my early
childhood, but I never once thought I might one day be a member of the
Roman Catholic Church.
 The turning point
came while I was an undergraduate student at Gustavus Adolphus College, a
small Lutheran school in southern Minnesota. At Gustavus, I was challenged
to own my Christianity as a young adult.
This challenge also led me to begin a search for a permanent church
home. Moving from one denomination to another while I was growing up
taught me a lot about ecumenism, but it also left me without a strong
sense of identity. I needed a place to put down some roots. For a number
of reasons, including a strong attraction to the sacraments, a growing
love for the liturgy (which our chaplain at Gustavus modeled so well for
me), and a growing conviction of Catholicisms intellectual coherence, I
determined to enter the Catholic Church my first year of graduate school.
And, as if in confirmation of that choice, the two graduate programs that
best suited my interests and offered me the best financial aid packages
were Loyola and Notre Dame.
An unexpected turn
So, my first semester at Notre Dame, I became involved in Campus Ministrys RCIA program and I was received into the Church in April 1991.
Still, I certainly wasnt thinking about a religious vocation at the time.
I was trying to learn to live as a practicing Catholic, and the doctoral
program in government and international studies was keeping me busy.
For
the next couple of years, I kept busy with my studies, and I began to know
the joys of teaching as I worked as a teaching assistant.
 My life was going
well; I was intellectually challenged by my studies, and I was enjoying my
work in the classroom. Yet, I sensed that something was missing.
My work
was satisfying, but it wasn't enough. What I was looking for, though I
didnt yet realize it, was a way to integrate my teaching with a lifetime
commitment to service.
 I first began to
think about Holy Cross when a close friend of mine began to take a serious
look at the community. She had been invited to a final profession at the
Church of Loretto, and, not wanting to go alone, she asked me to accompany
her. Later that afternoon, back at her apartment, she asked me if
religious life was something Id ever thought about. My immediate response
was to laugh and say no. It wasnt that I had anything against the idea,
but Id never thought about it. In any case,
Id only been in the Church a
total of two years at that point. Who was I to be thinking of religious
life and what could I possibly know about it?
Further surprises, and companions along the way
But from that point on, the idea wouldnt go away. (Though I kept trying
to make it go away!) Finally, about two years later, I summoned the
courage to talk with one of the Holy Cross priests I had come to know at
Notre Dame. Because he knew me fairly well and knew that I was new to the
Church, I half expected him to find a gentle way to dissuade me from
pursuing religious life, at least for the time being. Instead, he
encouraged me to investigate it, and he put me in touch with one of the
sisters he knew at Saint Marys. (I think thats when I first realized I
might be in trouble!) A few weeks later, I participated in my first Come and See experience. During that weekend, I met other
young women interested in religious life, and several other sisters, many
of whom have since become good friends.
Though I had enjoyed the weekend and had felt very much at home among
the sisters I met, something in me still hoped that this naggingly
persistent idea about religious life would just disappear. It didnt. About six months later I began meeting regularly with the vocation
director, Sister Rita Slattery, to discern a possible call to religious
life in Holy Cross. That summer, I attended another Come and
See experience. That experience only served to deepen my attraction
to the community. After the retreat, I and a few other young women spent
some days at a cottage on the shore of Lake Michigan with Sister Margaret
Andrι, another sister involved in vocation work. One evening we got to
talking about where each of us was in relation to religious life. Were we
just finding out about it, beginning a casual investigation of it,
seriously investigating it, ready to jump in, or already
living it? In the course of this conversation, I was able to articulate
what Id already sensed in some ways for a few months, but
hadnt been
wholly ready to admit even to myself, because of my own fears about taking
the next step: I was ready to jump in. I spoke with Sister Rita and asked
for entrance.
The next year I began a period of pre-candidacyan option
for women who are seriously interested in Holy Cross but who for whatever
reason are not ready for formal entrance. For the next two years I
connected on a weekly basis with one of the local Holy Cross communities
in South Bend. There, I found great deal of support, encouragement and
friendship.
Why this Road?
Ive been asked a number of times why Ive chosen religious life in Holy
Cross. Part of what attracts me to Holy Cross is a strong community life.
For a while during graduate school, I was part of a community of friends
who tried to help one another in living out the Christian life. There was
a strong sense of connection and support between us. I learned two things
from this group of friends. First, marriage is good and holy and
attractive I saw what my married friends in the group have, and
its a
wonderful thing it just doesnt hold any personal attraction for me.
Secondly, I learned that the support of a community is very important for
me to be able to be my best self. I dont want to try to live the
Christian life on my own. I am also attracted by the sense of family that
seems to pervade all of the Holy Cross congregations. There seems to be a
real sense among the sisters, brothers and priests that Holy Cross women
and men form one family. Thats something I admire. It seems to spill over
into a concern for family life in general, and Ive been touched by the
way Holy Cross has treated my own family. My parents and brother have come
to South Bend on a few occasions, and their visits have been helpful for
all of us. They cant quite articulate it, but they too can see the
attractiveness of life in Holy Cross.
Had Frodo known all the surprises he would encounter in his quest to
destroy the One Ring, no doubt he would have stayed at home in the
comfortable confines of the Shire. But, as he says in the last line of the
reading that begins this article, one cannot know where the Road will
lead. Sometimes it takes us in surprising directions. And along the way we
learn to be content to live with uncertainty.
 
Sister Amy Cavender makes her first profession of vows
in the presence of the president of the Congregation, Sister Aline Marie
Steuer, in Ventura, California, July 13, 2002.
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